I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
