I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
