Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
