If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
