If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
