Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
