Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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