There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize