I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
