How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
