you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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