so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize