Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
