Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
