i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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