Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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