Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My ass is underappreciated
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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