i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
