your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
