my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Everything about him screamed your future.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
