Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
