just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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