he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
