im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
