haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
