My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
