im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
