"it" just moved
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
