final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
