what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
