Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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