going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want her autograph on my taint
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
