Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
