I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
