Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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