all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you made out with another girl for some wings
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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