i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize