Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
