as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm just crazy horny about you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
