listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
