I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
