I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
