Soap is not a condiment
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize