He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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