i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
