I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
