I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
