Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
