First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
