I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
