Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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