It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
