At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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