So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
