I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
