yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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