that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
