420 ftw
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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