you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
