...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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