What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
