The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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