I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
