there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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