Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
