Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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