no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
