I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize