we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
