LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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