At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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