I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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