I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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