You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
