I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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