My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
