Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
