currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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