We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
