R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
