Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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