your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
