I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i drank out of a bidet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
