I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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