i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't just leave with hair like that
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
