We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the condom got lost in my hair
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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