Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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