i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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